Monday, January 13, 2014

Cosplay Rant Time!

I do believe that as Katsucon nears, you shall hear at least a few rants from me, my dear readers. This rant is related to Jae-ha of Akatsuki no Yona. It is also related to a love of mine: boots.

First, let's take a look at this handsome, frustrating devil, shall we?

Ah, there he is. Look at that gorgeous cloak with that beautiful trim! (It was horrible to match, but that's going to be another blog post.) Look at that long, flowing hair! It's green, by the way, and my wig for that is coming in soon. And the hair tie. Oh, wait, I forgot one thing, didn't I? Hm, what kind of shoes are those, I wonder?


Wait just a minute.

Are those.....?

No. No, they couldn't be.

But they are. Jae-ha is wearing white cowboy boots. The only proper way to express my feelings about this issue is with a keyboard smash, but that would hardly be.... Well, let's just say I won't stoop that low on this blog, no matter how much I cursed him to friends. I try to remain vaguely professional here.

Back to the topic at hand. Why, you might ask, are white cowboy boots problematic? Well, dear reader, for a few reasons, which I will gladly outline below.

  1. Akatsuki no Yona takes place in a fantasy feudal country...based in Asia. There are especially heavy Chinese influences. (I am not the history buff my friends are, so I shan't go so far as to say it's based in fantasy feudal China - with my luck I'd be wrong - but the influences are strong.) Cowboy boots....are not Asian. Definitely not Asian. They are European-influenced and made for horse riding. THERE ARE NO COWBOY BOOTS IN FEUDAL ASIA.
  2. Jae-ha is known for his speed and agility; cowboy boots have virtually no tread. What does he do, slide into the picture? Try to get a running start and fall flat on his arse? Miss corners because he skids past them?
  3. Jae-ha is also known for leaping through the air and appearing to fly. With no-tread boots, does he always fall on the landing? Does he skid down rooftops and into the ocean? How would he even manage to take off?
  4. Jae-ha is a pirate. Why oh why would you wear white shoes as a pirate?! Why would you wear boots with little to no tread on a BOAT in the OCEAN?! IT MAKES NO SENSE. Finally (and infuriatingly)......
  5. Real cowboys and horse people do not wear white boots. The only people who wear white boots are cowboy-wannabes. No one who actually spends a great deal of time with horses and rides regularly wears white cowboy boots. Horses are dirty. White boots get dirt, dust, and grass stains on them, and they're a pain in the rear to clean off. Boots can have white accents and white parts, but those white parts are normally snakeskin or scales of some sort and thus much easier to clean. Incidentally, they're also much more expensive. Ain't it lovely? Solid white cowboy boots are only worn by rich folks who want to pretend to be horse people. As a result, they are expensive and rare. The lightest color actual horse people use on their boots is tan or beige, because those two are about as light as you can go without worrying about intense stains and daily clean-up. They're impractical and excessively troublesome. (I'm looking at you, Jae-ha, you jerk.)
I could not, for the life of me, find a nice pair of affordable white cowboy boots that did not have a stereotypical pair of cruddy wings on them no matter where I looked on the internet. All the nice boots were upwards of $150, and that's just not worth it. I ordered a pair of plain white riding boots which I will paint with pretty designs to make a very nice, pretty boot worthy of this darn pirate.

I'm still mad at you, Jae-ha. You smug S.O.B.

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